This is actually my second pregnancy.
I had a miscarriage two years ago. Strangely enough the hardest part about that was not losing the baby, but rather the month we went through where we didn’t know if the pregnancy was viable or not. It was excruciating not knowing if we needed to change our lives around to accomodate a little one or to keep going with the plans for our lives we had already made. Not knowing whether to emotionally get attached, or stay numb and view the whole pregnancy as a medical malfunction of my reproductive organs. The pregnancy ended at barely two months.
I comforted myself about losing Ephraim (we decided it was a boy and gave him a name) with the thought that had he made it through the pregnancy he would have been deformed so it was better for nature to take care of a situation that wasn’t right. Its strange because from the very beginning the doctors could tell that something was wrong with the pregnancy so I never let myself get too attached to the pregnancy. I felt numb throughout the process because of that. Naming him brought some softness to the situation. And after the miscarriage we brought Ephraim to Kenya where he is now buried.
Even though this pregnancy feels different and there aren’t the warning signs we had with the previous one, I’m still cautious and not allowing myself to get excited quite yet. In the back of my mind is still the ‘what if’ question. Especially as I wait for bloodwork to be done on Monday and Wednesday.
In the meanwhile, Mzee and I are off on vacation to sunny San Diego!!!! I’m excited because I bought him private golf lessons on the Torrey Pines golf course where this year’s US Open is being played in just a few weeks. yep. its a smug smile of self satisfaction i’ve got on.
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May 15, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Mo Ma
I’m so sorry for your loss, dear. It’s impressive that you’re keeping the faith.
Take it easy and wish you all the best in this pregnancy.
San Diego!? I’m so jealous; check out the zoo if you have the time. It’s one of the best in the world.
Would have loved to go to the zoo but I figure once you’ve been to Masai Mara no number of animals in cages is going to compare. So we didn’t hit up the zoo (not to mention the steep admission price). Instead we ate our way through old town, university heights, and marveled at the liveliness and all the young and beautiful ones in the Gaslapm quarter. It was a fantastic vacation!
May 16, 2008 at 12:26 am
mona
congratulations and may god see your pregnancy through. i know he will. enjoy your holiday. you really must have surprised your hubby.that was nice!have fun!
Hi dear. Welcome back. I’ve missed you!!!
I’m horrible with surprises so Mzee knew what I had planned all along. We had a blast though!
May 16, 2008 at 4:27 am
Seasons
Each pregnancy is met with joy except for someone who has had a miscarriage where a bit of trepidation is expected.
I hope this one goes well and assuming this is your first baby, enjoy motherhood.
Have fun in San Diego… Private golf lessons huh? Careful now, the game is addictive!
Mzee thoroughly enjoyed his private lessons! He loves the game but doesn’t have enough time to get to play so I always want to create opportunities for him. He’s gotten to play at some Kenyan courses too. I’m actually the one encouraging the addiction here!
May 16, 2008 at 8:20 am
farmgal
Hey gal, congrats on the pregnancy and have fun in sunny san diego!
We just got back this morning. It was a Blast! There was so much to see and do! Downtown San Diego was the cleanest and best organized downtown i’ve ever ever seen. Its everything you’d want your downtown to be. And the nightlife is out of this world! It felt like all the world’s beautiful people came out to play there. And all those skimpy outfits you seen on catwalks and wonder wheather they get worn in real life, I saw them on people walking down the streets this weekend!
June 11, 2008 at 3:06 am
gnovember
My mother had a miscarriage before i was born and well, after the storm passes, the sun does always feel much warmer against your skin. All the best and congrats- enjoy motherhood.
Congrats on the PhD.