aaarrrggg!! I’m turning 30 in a few weeks and i’m flipping out.

Its not that I’m regretting what I’ve done with my life or feeling like I haven’t accomplished enough. Its that I’m beginning to feel the pressure of time. I’m hit with this overwhelming realization that I don’t have all the time in the world and I can’t possibly accomplish all the whimsical, fanciful dreams that I’ve had. I have to whittle them down to the most intriguing ones and then go for those with gusto.

I was a lucky child to be told I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m now hit with the realization that I can’t be everything I’ve wanted to be. My chances of being an economist passed because I didn’t take macro and micro economics. I didn’t take those because I didn’t take calculus before that, I didn’t take calculus because I hadn’t taken pre-calculus…. Not just my wanting to be something is enough. Some doors have closed for good. But not all of them

I read somewhere once that the ideal plan for life is to spend the first 30 years of life preparing to fulfill your life’s calling(for example through pursuing education, apprenticeships etc). Then the next 30 years from 30-60 should be spent fulfilling that calling, and the last 30 from 60-90 teaching others by sharing what you would have done differently had you known what you know now.

Perhaps I was drawn to this plan because it fit my own life’s trajectory. On the eve of my 30th birthday i’m about to finish my last degree and I hope to join the workforce. I’ve been a professional student for the last 26 years and am lucky enough to have figured out my life’s calling (Just need a financial windfall to pull it off to the magnitude that I’ve imagined it!)

Hopefully i’ll spend the next 30 years being productive (hmmm hopefully reproductive too!) and accomplishing whatever parts of the calling I can whith the resources God avails me.

And honestly, I can’t think to retirement yet. Perhaps the transition from the second 30 to the 3rd 30 year segment will engender another flip out.

Hmmm. I just figured out what it is about turning 30. Its the transition that is scary.

I have to move from saying “when I grow up I want to…” and finally start being and doing those things. I’m no longer going to have the excuse of being a student. I’m truly an adult now. O.K. lets not rush things, I have a couple of weeks still 🙂

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