Whats wrong with me?
I”m not feeling this bright jumping for joy feeling at the prospect of being a mother and I feel guilty for not feeling it.

See, the thing is, I LOVE my life! I’m perfectly content with the way things are going. I’ve finally finished grad school, I have a job that i’m really excited about, I’m financially comfortable, and i’m married to the best hubby on earth!
Its taken me years to finally achieve this and i’m not sure that throwing a baby into the mix is not going to ruin it all.

Far from those couples that have a baby to try and fix things, I am really content and happy and i’m worried that having a baby will throw me and my life off the comfortable balance that its in right now. I know its selfish to think that way but at this point i’m still not at a place where I identify peanut as a distinct person separate from me. It still feels like this strange alien thats hitching a ride in my body.
I keep reading all this psychology stuff that says that after I feel the first kicks it will become real that there is a baby in there but for now I’m focused on wondering how much all this is going to change my life.

I must admit I also feel very isolated in not having someone I can talk to about what I’m feeling. I’m a complete extrovert in that I process my feelings on the outside. I feel like admitting to others that I feel this ambivalent is automatically going to mark me a bad mother. I mean surely, its not normal. is it? The texts say it kind of is but I haven’t heard anyone else admit that they felt this way when they first got pregnant. I mean I’m supposed to be overjoyed right? The maternal feelings should have kicked in by now and I should be glowing. I’m not. Instead I’m terrified and unsure of whether this is a good idea.
Whats wrong with me?

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