Yesterday i passed the 12 week mark and I breathed a muted sigh of relief for surviving the first trimester!!

I leave for Kenya in less than 24 hours (still no apartment lined up!) and I’m really wondering if this is a dumb thing to do. To commit to over 20 hours in the air with another 10 hour layover.  Doesn’t sound like its good for pregnancy but they say it is.  Its usually a hard journey to make even without the additional exhaustion of pregnancy. Not to mention I am still in the throes of pretty intense ‘morning’ sickness with constant nausea and heartburn and assorted other maladies.

What if I start bleeding again while on the airplane?  Or while in Kenya? Will I be able to get the medical care I need?

Its a real battle in my head. On one hand women give birth in Kenya on a daily basis and children survive and thrive. I was born there and turned out well for all practical intents and purposes.  I really dont’ want to fall into paranoia.
Then again I now have two friends in Kenya who have lost their babies in pregnancies that I’m convinced could have been saved had they been in the States. There is no doubting that the medical technologies are far more advanced in the states.

Am I being a bad parent by traveling and not ensuring that my unborn child has access to these medical technologies?

Mzee seems to be o.k. with my traveling. I wonder though if he’s not speaking up because he doesn’t want to get into an argument about it. It must be rough to not have that control. The welfare of his child is completely dependent on me and the decisions I make at this point. I had never thought of the challenges of fatherhood in that way before. The only point he has completely emphasized is that I am in no way to lose weight while pregnant. I had this idea in my mind that I could still lose some pounds in the first trimester and it wouldn’t matter. Boy did he make a stand! Surprisingly, I’ve been able to maintain the exact same weight for the past three months. All thanks to the nausea.

Anyway, am I being reckless by traveling and denying my unborn baby access to the best medical care possible? What if something happens to me while i’m there? I’ve gotten dysentery during a trip in the not too distant past. How would getting it again affect the baby? What if I have to take medications when i’m there? What if I’m raped? I know its far fetched but I know enough to know that rape is a real problem that hardly anyone talks about. And I’ve been threatened before….

worry worry worry