aaarrrggg

So I absolute love being here.  Every time I land I wonder why i’m not already living here permanently.

But there are still some things that drive me nuts.

Like the maid at the apartment where i’m staying stealing my jewlery including a prized gold and sapphire ring!  And management seemingly uninterested in doing anything about it despite it being them who hired the staff member. (its a furnished and serviced place).  I don’t know what to do.  I’m certain its the maid who stole it.  Can I demand that they compensate me for the loss?

And of course I’m having these debates with myself about not making a big deal of it because the girl lives in Kibera and in the larger scheme of things I have a lot more material possessions than she will ever have access to and that parting with my jewelry is a small price to pay for the place of privilege I occupy in society and especially her certainly underpaid labour cleaning up after me………

Then sometimes I just get mad because its MY stuff and its not fair to steal, and I am already giving back with project A so I am already paying for my privileged place in society……..

probably sounds petty to some but indulge me.  I’m a political scientist and I spend an inordinate ammount of time and brain energy thinking about how my principles and ideas translate into my daily lived experiences…….. whoa i’m rambling. I’ll stop now.

And I know i’m paranoid on this rape thing but I’ve spent the past two days at a really intense conference on sexual violence and i’m up to my ears in thinking about it.

Then this morning I had to take my mom to the police station (long story but my mom is one of those women who will pursue justice avidly and I really admire her for it).  Anyway, there was this young girl who walked in with super red bloodshot eyes to report that she was raped last night by a classmate who tried to choke her to death which is how her eyes got that way.  Taking a brake from a conference on rape and running into a rape victim within minutes is just overwhelming.  I’m about to lose my mind.

I know its because its along my line of work and its what I study so i’m exposed to the topic more than most but still. surely, something needs to change in this society!  Why are people behaving like animals!

Anyway, I’m off my high horse.  Its just that when it comes to sexual violence, my nose is constantly stuck in Kenya’s armpit and I’m not liking the smell at all!

In other news I’ve been driving around the last couple of days and I must say I actually enjoy driving in Nairobi.  Now granted that’s because I’m used to California drivers and California traffic but its actually not that bad and the radio stations are super entertaining!

Back to the daunting task of networking with people working here as Mzee and I try to figure out a soft landing for when we relocate here in a few years.

I’ve been here a bit over a week now and i’m living it up.

I found the perfect apartment a short walk from both Yaya and Prestige, got my transport situation sorted, and have basically started up my life from where I left in January.

Keeping busy with project A which is at times frustrating, exciting, exhausting, and so so much fun!  The Kenyan work/volunteer ethic can be really challenging when you’re coming from a land of workaholics.  That said, I know if I relax into it, I too appreciate the slower pace of things.

Its really good to be back and to notice all the small changes around the city.  Someone has been on top of this road repair thing which is good to see.  And in general systems seem to be working faster than they have in the past.  Except of course the ID issuing.  I’ve been waiting for a new ID for over 3 years!!

I had also forgotten how slow the internet connection can be though.  I”m yet to purchase the either the Safcom or celtel wireless card.  Peeps out here whats your recommendation?  Safcom or Celtel for internet connectivity?

I can’t wait for the undersea cable to get here! and to see how Telkom’s Orange and Econet change the market.

All said, its WONDERFUL to be back and i’m counting down the years till I relocate here permanently!!

o.k. off to find a wireless card so I don’t have to type up disjointed posts at the cybercafe.

Yesterday i passed the 12 week mark and I breathed a muted sigh of relief for surviving the first trimester!!

I leave for Kenya in less than 24 hours (still no apartment lined up!) and I’m really wondering if this is a dumb thing to do. To commit to over 20 hours in the air with another 10 hour layover.  Doesn’t sound like its good for pregnancy but they say it is.  Its usually a hard journey to make even without the additional exhaustion of pregnancy. Not to mention I am still in the throes of pretty intense ‘morning’ sickness with constant nausea and heartburn and assorted other maladies.

What if I start bleeding again while on the airplane?  Or while in Kenya? Will I be able to get the medical care I need?

Its a real battle in my head. On one hand women give birth in Kenya on a daily basis and children survive and thrive. I was born there and turned out well for all practical intents and purposes.  I really dont’ want to fall into paranoia.
Then again I now have two friends in Kenya who have lost their babies in pregnancies that I’m convinced could have been saved had they been in the States. There is no doubting that the medical technologies are far more advanced in the states.

Am I being a bad parent by traveling and not ensuring that my unborn child has access to these medical technologies?

Mzee seems to be o.k. with my traveling. I wonder though if he’s not speaking up because he doesn’t want to get into an argument about it. It must be rough to not have that control. The welfare of his child is completely dependent on me and the decisions I make at this point. I had never thought of the challenges of fatherhood in that way before. The only point he has completely emphasized is that I am in no way to lose weight while pregnant. I had this idea in my mind that I could still lose some pounds in the first trimester and it wouldn’t matter. Boy did he make a stand! Surprisingly, I’ve been able to maintain the exact same weight for the past three months. All thanks to the nausea.

Anyway, am I being reckless by traveling and denying my unborn baby access to the best medical care possible? What if something happens to me while i’m there? I’ve gotten dysentery during a trip in the not too distant past. How would getting it again affect the baby? What if I have to take medications when i’m there? What if I’m raped? I know its far fetched but I know enough to know that rape is a real problem that hardly anyone talks about. And I’ve been threatened before….

worry worry worry

Its that time of year to again start organizing for my time in Kenya.  The ticket has been bought and friends and relatives alerted.  And again I come up to a familar roadblock; housing.

For all the wonderful things about the city, the Nairobi housing situation really really sucks.  Its virtually impossible to find decently priced furnished apartments available for the short run.  Most things run over 100K a month for a mere one bedroom apartment!  Thats more in rent than an equivalent hotel room out here!

Its amazing to me that for how stiff the demand is, there aren’t more options for consumers.  Its such a ripe business opportunity!

Twice a year I have to pull teeth finding a convenient and safe apartment to rent for a couple of weeks.  I suppose I could stay with family but that would just drive me nuts and especially now that i’m a hormonal wreck!

What do others in the diaspora do for their trips home?

Also, any recommendations for places to stay in the Kilimani, Westlands, Lavington, Riverside areas?  I’m looking for a furnished or semi-furnished studio in a super secure compound.  And i’ve only got two weeks left before departure!  aaarrrgggg!!!!!

Warning: Do not read this post if you are the prudish queezy type!

I have a question for all you women out there who have given birth. Its not the kind of question we ladies talk about in polite company but really, I gots to know!

So i’ve been saying I really want a c-section because i’m afraid of giving birth the ‘natural’ way. What i’m really trying to find out about ‘natural’ births is if your ‘down there’, oh heck, your vagina, ever gets tight back again or does it legea legea forever afterwards.

Just how loose do you end up? Yes yes I understand that giving birth is a natural process and your vagina was designed to do just that but c’mon. Passing a 9 pound watermelon through what is usually a tight space has got to do its damage.

I’ve heard of all sorts of vaginal rejuvenation surgeries and i’m wondering if giving birth is the reason women end up wanting/needing them. Yeah, I know, i’m slow…..

And of course that makes me think about female circumcision and kind of how there is some point to stitching things back up to make them taut again. Note. I said kind of and somehow.

Do you ladies out there have some words of wisdom? Also jamaas with wives who are mothers, notice a difference? How much did it affect your sex life?

Night before last I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up making calls to Kenya and chatting online with a friend in Sudan. It was 3am by the time I got to bed and I noticed I had started bleeding.

Mzee and I decided it was not worth going to the E.R. for but to wait to talk to the doc in the morning. Well the bleeding continues and by morning i’m completely freaked out. We had to wait until the afternoon to have an ultrasound to see what how the kid was doing and if I was starting to have another miscarriage.

I had already started preparing myself and convincing myself that I’ll be o.k. even if we lose this one.
Thankfully the ultrasound revealed a kicking healthy baby. And I literally mean kicking. S/He was jumping around in there, doing loops and just having a good time.
I”m now 9 weeks 5 days along but have a condition called Subchorionic Hematoma
The doc is not worried about it since mine is quite small but I’m to take it easier than usual and, unfortunately for mzee, join the B. train for two weeks! That will be hard! (pun intended!)

Other than that, here is a pic of peanut as S/He develops. The growth has been phenomenal. There are arms and legs and a cute round belly.
I still marvel at the technology that lets us see details this small on a munchkin that is barely 1 inch big deep inside me. Wow

And i must admit, this past scare is really helping me shift my focus from being ambivalent to kind of even excited about having a kid.

Whats wrong with me?
I”m not feeling this bright jumping for joy feeling at the prospect of being a mother and I feel guilty for not feeling it.

See, the thing is, I LOVE my life! I’m perfectly content with the way things are going. I’ve finally finished grad school, I have a job that i’m really excited about, I’m financially comfortable, and i’m married to the best hubby on earth!
Its taken me years to finally achieve this and i’m not sure that throwing a baby into the mix is not going to ruin it all.

Far from those couples that have a baby to try and fix things, I am really content and happy and i’m worried that having a baby will throw me and my life off the comfortable balance that its in right now. I know its selfish to think that way but at this point i’m still not at a place where I identify peanut as a distinct person separate from me. It still feels like this strange alien thats hitching a ride in my body.
I keep reading all this psychology stuff that says that after I feel the first kicks it will become real that there is a baby in there but for now I’m focused on wondering how much all this is going to change my life.

I must admit I also feel very isolated in not having someone I can talk to about what I’m feeling. I’m a complete extrovert in that I process my feelings on the outside. I feel like admitting to others that I feel this ambivalent is automatically going to mark me a bad mother. I mean surely, its not normal. is it? The texts say it kind of is but I haven’t heard anyone else admit that they felt this way when they first got pregnant. I mean I’m supposed to be overjoyed right? The maternal feelings should have kicked in by now and I should be glowing. I’m not. Instead I’m terrified and unsure of whether this is a good idea.
Whats wrong with me?

I’m almost embarassed to be this excited but the new iphone is almost here!!

I’m a closet techphile and I’ve been waiting for months now to purchase the iphone. I knew the 3G version was on its way so i’ve been biding my time. I stop at the apple store every once in a while to carress one of the old ones knowing that I’m waiting for the perfect moment to cheat on it with the younger version. I even took on an extra teaching assignment to save $ for it since I anticipated it would be more expensive than the current one. Only for Steve to make my day by dropping the price! Woohooo!!

And now that moment is here. July 11th. Unfortunately I’ll be in Kenya then so i’ll have to wait until September to purchase it. Still, I’ve waited for many many months now, September’s not that far away!

By then there should be tons of reviews of it available. But then I wonder if I’ll read the reviews and be tempted to wait for version 3.0 and even more improvements…. Thats the trouble with getting greedy.

lust. pure lust

Haki Kenyans hatuna adabu.

You would think from the way we are celebrating Barack Obama’s nomination that Kenya has been a kind place for the man. Now, I completely celebrate his success and am in no way Obama-hating. My point is about Kenyans and our lack of hindsight.

It seems to me no Kenyan is remembering how horribly his alcoholic and abusive father treated his mother and that the man actually left his mother to raise a young child by herself.

How many other Kenyan men have done the same? There is nothing to be celebrated in this behavior!

No, we’re happy to forget all that and claim the man without as much as an apology for how badly he had to suffer as a result of Kenyans’ understanding of masculinity.

Instead of his success causing us to ask deep questions about masculinity and fatherhood, we go ahead claiming him for ourselves and seeming to forget our unfortunate part in his difficult childhood.

Shame on us!

Watching live births on you tube is an absolutely horrible idea when you’re pregnant. I do so much better with my head in the sand! I mean I know what happens at the end but damn. OOOUUUCH!!!!!!!!

Would I be a bad mother for wanting a c-section?

Also, am I a bad mother for invading the child’s privacy so early and posting a picture of the ultrasound? oh well!

Introducing Peanut!

peanut

Little peanut (really should be tadpole) at 7 weeks 3 days and 1.16 centimeters. And yes, thats apparently a hole in the head!

where do I start?!!

On Friday of last week I finally earned that Ph.D! wooooooooohooooooooo!!!!!!!!

After seven years of tears, anguish, an almost nervous breakdown, hours of therapy, and a body that is broken and bruised, I emerge a much tougher woman than the girl that went into grad school. I’m working to overcome the bitterness of the abusive process I’ve just gone through in grad school by focusing on the fact that I’m done!!! Its in my past.  I feel like i’ve earned the ability and space to say to the world of academia take me as I am, or go screw yourself!! Thats freedom my friends. Thats freedom.

From now on I will remain true to myself and my ideas. I promise myself to be kind and generous to me. I finally have the freedom to hang my intellectual self worth not on what others say, but on the truth inside my heart.

I’M FREE!!!!!!!!!!

O.k. much as i’m bitching about how horrible the process has been. I must also say that I’m thankful that I did it. I”m only 30 and having these three letters after my name (Ph.D) is going to grant me audiences who would otherwise not bother to pay attention to what I have to say. Having that kind of voice is priceless and I am thankful for it. Especially being a Black woman the world is keen to dismiss you as having nothing to say.

In other happy news:

Mzee and I went to the doctor’s today for my ultrasound. THERE’S A HEARTBEAT PEOPLE!!! Let me hear an Amen!! The doctor put my chances of a miscarriage at 5% down from 50%!

It was amazing to see this little bubble inside me have blood gushing through it. To say nothing about the technology that allows us to see this small small thing so far deep in my womb and watch its even smaller heart beat.  The baby is apparently just larger than a pea right now!.  So, with the heart fluttering away, I embrace the nausea, vomiting and heartburn. It seems a small small price to pay.

Oh, and I’m typing this as I watch live Obama’s acceptance of the Democratic party nomination. What could be a better evening?

What am I whistling and singing along to? Michael Buble’s rendition of ” I’ve got the world on a string”. He’s a fantastic artist by the way. Check out ‘lost’ and ‘everything’ which are also amazing.

Whats up with the term ‘morning sickness’. Nothing about it is happening in the morning for me. Its more like all day sickness. In fact, the only time that i’m not feeling like throwing up or actually worshiping the porcelain goddess is in the morning when I first wake up.

Oh, and nobody tells you about the killer heartburn. Now heartburn sounds like a polite problem that should be easy to deal with. Not this stuff. Its constant! It feels like someone has lit a bonfire in my throat. Peanut (the euphemism that Mzee and I use for him/her) better be taking all this time to grow. Damnit! I’m going to be so pissed if all this is for nothing!

On to happier topics; In the meanwhile i’m having a good time visiting with old friends, spending alone time in my old haunts, and writing in my journal. Its been a fantastic vacation though I must admit some of the lunch meetings with (soon to be former) professors have left my stomach in knots rather than relaxed me. I still have a lot of anger about how unnecessarily hard this process has been and the major damage that the last seven years of stress has done to my body.

O.k. Back to being positive: Tomorrow is the big day. I will be a Dr. Mwananchi Mkenya at 4pm tomorrow and thats a good thing. Woohooo!!!!!

So I’m back in my old stomping grounds waiting to defend my dissertation on Friday. Its actually really nice to be back and to have the extra time to visit my old haunts. I’m realizing now that I did have a really good time here and that I loved it here. At the time I was too wrapped up in the pain of grad school to appreciate it all, but now I can.

I rank this city second to my current digs in terms of places I would live in the U.S. That of course is a difficult decision for me because New York City now drops down to a close third.

In other news, my hormone tests came back encouragingly. My HCG doubled in two days just like it was supposed to. My cramping has all but disappeared and the spotting has decreased. I have an ultrasound next week to see if there is a heartbeat as there should be in the seventh week. Thats the big thing i’m holding my breath for.  My head is in the sand until then.

In the meanwhile, I’m taking time off and enjoying my solitude and re-living experiences from one of the most intense periods of my life.

I just got back from the doctors and I’m struggling to see the good news. With the ultrasound and HGC testing it looks like my pregnancy is 5 weeks along. Which would be all good news except for that doesn’t match up to the date of my last period and hence projected ovulation date which would place the pregnancy at 7 weeks. And the continuing cramping and increasing bleeding are further indicators that something is very wrong.

With all that info the doc placed my chances of having another miscarriage at 50%.

I’m devastated, overwhelmed, sad, confused, and tired. I can’t even cry or pray.

I know that 50% means there is a chance that we’ll pull through. But I know what a miscarriage is like and I don’t want to go down that path again. I’m remembering Jesus’ prayer at Gethsemane: “My Father, please take this cup of suffering from me. Yet not my will but your will be done”.

I leave to go defend my dissertation next Friday but its so hard to concentrate!

Mzee and I just landed from San Diego this morning and drove straight to church to get baptized. Not that we sinned sana while on the trip :), we’ve been planning this for months now.

It actually feels like a big deal to me. I was originally baptized Catholic as a child so going through today’s decision as an adult is a much deeper stronger experience. God has really brought me far and I am deeply enjoying my growing relationship with him.

I feel like a strange Christian though. I refuse to swallow wholesome the politics of a majority of Christians. I think that as a group we are some of the most dysfunctional family (Christians that is). From Ted Haggard, Jerry Falwell, and some of the nuts preaching in Kenya, I think that the name of God and Christ is so misused today. I used to be an active participant in the church a long time ago but I stopped because of Christians. I couldn’t deal with the hypocrisy.

Now I’m back and trying to focus exclusively on my relationship with God and to build my faith not based on the behaviour of Christians, but on God’s Word, and his speaking to my heart. And part of that is not being afraid to challenge and question and wrestle with God. Its taken me a long time to figure out that he can stand up for himself in my life. He can stand up to my toughest questions. And he lovingly answers even my most ridiculous challenges. So with that, Mzee and I took the plunge this morning. Committing ourselves publicly to walk the walk we have been walking for the last two years anyway.

In pregnancy news: I’ve been experiencing regular cramping for the last couple of days and i’m terrified this might be another miscarriage like last time. There is no bleeding which is reassuring and some of the literature I’ve been reading on the web seems to indicate that cramping sometimes happens in early pregnancy. I have a blood test tomorrow (Monday) to measure my HGC, cholesterol, diabetes etc and then another on Wednesday to check if my HGC (pregnancy hormones) are doubling every two days as they should in a healthy pregnancy. This was the test that revealed my impending miscarriage last time so I’m quite a bit anxious. Wish me/us luck.

This is actually my second pregnancy.

I had a miscarriage two years ago.   Strangely enough the hardest part about that was not losing the baby, but rather the month we went through where we didn’t know if the pregnancy was viable or not. It was excruciating not knowing if we needed to change our lives around to accomodate a little one or to keep going with the plans for our lives we had already made. Not knowing whether to emotionally get attached, or stay numb and view the whole pregnancy as a medical malfunction of my reproductive organs. The pregnancy ended at barely two months.

I comforted myself about losing Ephraim (we decided it was a boy and gave him a name) with the thought that had he made it through the pregnancy he would have been deformed so it was better for nature to take care of a situation that wasn’t right. Its strange because from the very beginning the doctors could tell that something was wrong with the pregnancy so I never let myself get too attached to the pregnancy. I felt numb throughout the process because of that. Naming him brought some softness to the situation. And after the miscarriage we brought Ephraim to Kenya where he is now buried.

Even though this pregnancy feels different and there aren’t the warning signs we had with the previous one, I’m still cautious and not allowing myself to get excited quite yet. In the back of my mind is still the ‘what if’ question. Especially as I wait for bloodwork to be done on Monday and Wednesday.

In the meanwhile, Mzee and I are off on vacation to sunny San Diego!!!! I’m excited because I bought him private golf lessons on the Torrey Pines golf course where this year’s US Open is being played in just a few weeks. yep. its a smug smile of self satisfaction i’ve got on.

If you could tell with full certainty that the child you are carrying would be born with serious deformities would you have an abortion?

My pregnancy is too young so this is not a situation i’m facing but its my greatest fear about this whole process. Its been my fear about pregnancy for years. I find sometimes that airing your fears makes them not so terrible so I’m glad to have this blog.

I would be racked with guilt either way. If I ended the pregnancy I would feel so guilty for ending a life. On the other hand, going through would guarantee that the child would never be independent and I would feel guilty for giving the child such a life sentence.

What would you do?

I’m pregnant.

Just found out a few hours ago. I’ve been feeling different recently but couldn’t pinpoint it. The home test we took at the weekend was super feint so I didn’t make much of it but mzee made me make a doc’s appointment today anyway.

We had decided to wait for a couple more years before trying as we got our careers firmly established but God seems to have other plans for us.

This is so exciting! But at the moment its more shocking. Trying to wrap my brain around it all. Talk about an exciting month!

oh. for the two or three of you know me personally please don’t share the news with ANYONE yet. Oh, and email me so we can chat.

O.K. off to pick my jaw off the floor now. And to put away the bottles of wine I can’t touch until January

So now that my dissertation is turned in and I just have to wait to “defend” it, I’m deciding to turn my focus to taking care of myself. I had put my health on the back burner for so long focusing on just finishing the dissertation. I decided I couldn’t handle the stress of focusing on staying healthy while going through one of the most unhealthy processes known to humanity (dissertating that is).

I’m already a curvy girl and unfortunately I let things go for too long so I’ve lost on the gains (or is it gained on the losses) of a while back and now i’m back to square one. Its really frustrating but I know I can get to where I need to be at since I’ve done it before. Still, I’m scared stiff because I know the hell its going to take for me to get there again.

Today was my first day at the gym. wololoyaye!! Haki my arms are about to fall off me!! I’m so so sore and my knees are like jelly. It was one of those boot camp classes with weights, hundreds of squats (felt like it!), and bending over in compromising positions Still, I survived the first sixty minutes.

I find that I do so much better in group excersise classes than working out by myself. I think its because i’m inherently competitive so watching all those skinny toned mamas pumping iron makes me push myself. If its just me at the elliptical I get bored and stop early.

I must admit though I’m shocked by what people chose to wear to the gym. The lady in front of me had on a thong underneath see-thru tights. It made the bending over a little too interesting!

Tomorrow is spinning. With saddle soreness I know that after the session I won’t be able to sit for a good 12 hours

wish me luck!

oh, and I should share spark people, a really cool website that helps you keep track of all your health goals.

I’m scheduled to defend my dissertation 29 days from today and I’m feeling rather retrospective about the last seven years’ journey. So this post is in the spirit of the movie deja vu where If I could go back after all I’ve been through, this is the advice I would give my young self.

But first a disclaimer: My sense is that Ph.Ds are a different ball game in Europe so this only applies to those interested in pursuing a Ph.D. in the U.S.

-Only sign up to go if you really really want to. Its not a fun place
to ‘kill time’ as you figure out what you really want to do with your
life. Its the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my life. It has been
incredibly difficult emotionally and the last seven years have also
taken a severe toll on my physical health. The stress is unbelievable
and your self esteem gets completely crushed. It is brutal.

-That said, I know a lot more than I knew seven years ago. I feel
proud of myself for doing something really really hard and coming out on
the other end (just about). Its like running a marathon. Its not about how smart you are, its about your pain threshold and your stick-to-it-iveness. Its not fun when you’re doing it but the finish line looks damn good.

If you decide to go ahead:

1.Make sure you cultivate a support network around you that is broader
than just other grad students.

2. Have a goal for why you are doing this. Write it down because you
might need to refer to it frequently in the first couple of years (heck, throughout)

3. Know that you are more than just a grad student and find other things
to do that will boost your self-esteem. Get good at something else. I
chose to knit, crochet, sew, and cook for friends and also started an organization to give back to other African women. These activities continue to feed my spirit as much as grad school continues to drain it.

4. Always remember that you think about your professors a lot more than they
think about you. On the whole they are pretty self-focused and don’t
say things to spite you. They probably don’t know when they hurt your
feelings. Their job is not to hold your hand through grad school, their
job is to put you through your paces. (try not to end up as self-obsessed as they are. Grad school did it to them!)

5. Its not about how smart you are. Its about your ability to endure the
long haul. If you weren’t academically up to snuff, you wouldn’t have gotten admitted. If you did get admitted, its now not about your brain abilities, its about your endurance, tolerance for emotional pain and humiliation, shaming and ability to pick yourself up from the dirt after every bruising punch.

Yes, for me it has been that bad. I”m keen what others might add to the list of advice though. Keguro?….

Edit:

Keguro did not dissapoint. Here is his list:

I have no sage advice, but I’ll try, in no particular order

1. Research before you start graduate school. Have an idea of what average completion rates are (9-10 yrs in the humanities); about the state of the job market (okay, not great); and realistic view of funding possibilities at your institutions of choice. Loving a subject is great; it might not be enough to get you through.

2. Understand that 70-90% of your work will be self-driven. You will have to read new journals, learn the history of your field, keep up with new scholarship, all while possibly teaching and taking classes. It’s a full time job, if you want to do it well.

3. Surround yourself with people who love knowledge and are enthusiastic about thinking. It will make your academic labor all the sweeter.

4. Cultivate a vice. Watch too much tv, learn how to make the best chocolate cake in the world, dye your hair every few days (I did this one); do something that will take you out of thinking mode for a few hours every day. Some people do useful things (like start life-changing organizations). Me, I suggest cultivating a vice.

5. Done is better than thinking about being done. Just get it done. Seriously. You will live with the dissertation for many more years as you transform it into a book. Just get it done.